Never the lead dog

[bill_schubert]

At the suggestion of my sister susandennis I started putting together the elements of an autobiography a couple of years ago.  So many problems with writing it, not that I can't remember but that putting some things in writing is a bit of a problem that effects a lot of people.  So it is going slowly.

But the tentative title is the subject line above and references my father who gave me a paper weight that said:

If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes.

I detested the sentiment immediately.  My father meant it in the best sense, a gentle motivation to keep moving forward.

The problem is that one is so seldom the lead dog and so every time another dog is ahead and the view becomes static it is a failure or at least a lack of success.

To me it became the very embodiment of Buddhism's Hungry Ghost, beings driven by 'intense emotional needs in an animalistic way'.  The very dog whose view never changes.

My father would be dismissive of such a dramatic interpretation but I've run across enough articles and psychologists who focus on recovery from excessive striving that I don't feel bad about over analyzing the ideal.

I mostly got out of the race long ago.  It is so hard on my ego to not compete.  Competition was so deeply ingrained in me as a male of the species that I have to keep a hand on my ego all the time so I can smooth the twitches every time it wants to strive too much, be better than, desire more, be perfect.  I tell it to get the hell over itself and just enjoy the walk.  

Let the runners, including the lead dog, just go on by.

Comments

[sleepybadger.livejournal.com]

I remember the first time I heard that I was like... what, are they wearing blinders? They can't look around? We can't all lead all the time.

I'd be interested in reading your autobiography :)

[bill-schubert.livejournal.com]

Yeah, me too.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I look forward to reading your memoir.

[amw.livejournal.com]

This entry got me interested in how dogs are set up to pull sleds, because i am sure i have seen them spread out before, and apparently there are two ways - the fan hitch and the gangline hitch. The latter is the one where they all go in pairs one after the other, but the former each dog gets their own line so they can manuever better in rough terrain. A wild dog presumably isn't forced to move around in any formation at all, although their lives might be more difficult because they have to catch their own food. If i were smarter perhaps i could come up with a pithy quote about dogs who aren't in the race.

[bill-schubert.livejournal.com]

You and I are, in most things, diametric opposites. In this maybe we're much more alike. I like the idea of running in a fan hitch.

[msconduct.livejournal.com]

I think what makes this more difficult is that all our narratives are about success. Failure, if mentioned at all, is just a step to even more success. What's more, life is always presented as a smooth upward climb. But people fail all the time, and without any stories acknowledging that it can make people feel like they alone don't measure up. We need more stories about people who never reach any pinnacles but still live good lives.

[bill-schubert.livejournal.com]

I've lost the link now but ran across a blog that had an article essentially in celebration of mediocrity. It was well written and gave me a lot of pause for just that thought.

The U.S. is so concerned about the image of being number one, being better than the neighbor, all of that. The sports metaphor that number one is the only thing worth having.

Sports psychologists have said that the person who has the highest stress level is the one that achieves the silver medal, close to the gold. But the bronze medal winner is much happier at having achieved the podium.

[msconduct.livejournal.com]

That's very true! Although you can't necessarily apply how elite athletes behave to the rest of us as their competitiveness is in a whole other dimension. (Source: I started my psychology career as a sports psychologist. ) Nevertheless, it illustrates why people in very poor countries often score just as highly on the happiness scale as people from rich countries: it seems that what matters most to us is not what we have but whether we have more than the people around us. So if you have a struggle with letting competitiveness go, it's not surprising given that we seem to be hardwired for it.