Feeling fortunate and testing

[bill_schubert]

My upbringing had a lot of Prussian 'you should always be working' in it.  My parents didn't explicitly say and we certainly had a lot of play time growing up but for some reason I've never felt comfortable not working.  That helped a lot in the Navy and owning my own business both of which require all day every day commitment.  But now I'm doing neither.  That little twinge in my gut that says 'what are you supposed to be doing right now' is still there.  Like I've forgotten something important.  

So one of my most enjoyable things to do is look at my empty calendar and see I've got nothing to do until Thursday and even then it is only to donate some blood to the annual physical I've got sked next month.  Other than walk Zoe and live I'm completely unstructured.

Yesterday I looked at my calendar several times.  Still empty.  I'm getting better about relaxing over things, about not developing a kind of free floating anxiety, 'are you sure someone isn't expecting you to do something?'.  That kind of thinking kept me alive and employed for so long it is taking me years to shed the tight sheath it has created.

Meanwhile, I'm now in two Covid studies.  One through Baylor, Scott and White and one I've been doing for a year run by UT Health and Mass General.  Both are informational types.  

The UT one asks me every morning to verify my Covid test status (one test last spring, all clear) and Vaccination status (Pfizer) and how am I feeling?  Takes me maybe 10 seconds but fills a field in their database.

The second will, I think, be similar.  They wanted more information and have access to my record at BSW which is my primary care physician.  

A small thing to do, a couple of grains of sand adding to the huge database that Covid research will become.  This whole pandemic will end up moving science forward by decades over where we would have been.  As happens with any war, medical science advances through extreme adversity.  If everything is fine, nothing change.  Only disasters create the chaos that brings progress.  Such a strange piece of reality.

Comments

[mairi-dubh.livejournal.com]

I sort of know what you mean even if I'm on the flip side of the coin: I'll know I have things to do, all day, every day, but often I'll find myself saying, "How do I fill in the next hour/two hours/three hours/time until morning [well, maybe actually get a night's sleep?}" largely because I'm not in the mood to do whatever I know should be done.

Some people really aren't geared for retirement---not ever. And for those people who identify themselves by their professions or vocations, or who feel retirement came before they accomplished all they had intended to accomplish, it's like a living death.
So, I kind of understand, and I do sympathize.

[taz-39.livejournal.com]

My Aunt just recently retired, and I think she'd empathize with your feelings right now.

I think I can as well, as my last day of work was Saturday, and I have nine whole days of no-work before I start a new job. My body keeps waking me up at 6:30am, thinking I need to be somewhere. It's also very hard to "do nothing", even for as little as 30 minutes.

Thank you for contributing to these covid studies. They are certain to be beneficial for future generations.